genrally life in general

i need to stop being a bitch

i need to climb a tree

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im thinking why didnt i tell her i liked her sooner, but im also thinking that i wasnt sure a relationship would work and that i didnt know her well enough to do anything about it, we didnt spend enough time together, just the 2 of us. it could have been different but its too late now. i wanted to make sure i really liked her because i have rushed things in the past, and i didnt quite reach that stage soon enough. im not really articulating this very well. i feel like maybe i should have done something about it right after christmas, but its not worth thinking about now.

end

so,

i have learned a lot over the past 7 weeks. due to a relationship with a girl. i dont have much experience with relationships. but i have learned a lot.

1. dont be a bitch, spend time with your man friends because its fun to tell jokes and watch sports. you will make close bonds and life long friends

2. say exactly how you feel, dont leave things for too long because then it can become harder to say it

3. dont kiss girls if you dont love them because you never know what is going to happen, it could backfire in your face

there was a connection between us, and i love her as a friend, she is one of the nicest people i know. she loves to show affection. i just needed to talk to her about the whole situation because it was bugging me and i neede closure on the relationship. it went well and we will still be good friends, i hope.

i hope i didnt upset bridget

i am thinking too much again. since sunday i have been overanalysing my situation with a girl. the reason being that she is the greatest girl i have ever met, she is so laid back and genuinely generous, kind, caring and funny. i love her. i had planned on telling her this on sunday but she was ill and had to go to hospital. since then i have been thinking about if she likes me, i think she does but i have been thinking about all the previous times i have seen her, what i said, what she said, did i annoy her, did my text that night annoy her, it doesnt matter if it annoyed her, i didnt send it because thats what i thought she wanted me to do, i sent it because thats what i wanted to do, so if it annoyed her then thats fine, we think differently, im not acting differently just because i want her to like me, but i am worrying that she doesnt like me, like i said over analysing. i just need to let all that go and just get on as normal and just relax and be myself and enjoy her company like i always do, because i know we will at least be really good friends so i need to stop getting so worked up about the whole thing.

so now ive written this down it should help me to do it, in fact i need to write down that im gonna relax, stop thinking about the past and be myself, no need totry and impress her because i know she loves me.

good theory, hopefully it works

went to see tottenham today, you really dont have to be that good to be a premiership footballer

i felt at home in america, and it was a bit of a culture shock coming home really, maybe because i didnt expect there to be a shock.

i had a massive blow out on my bike today, then ran back with my sisters, good fun

it has been nice to be together as a family, i love my family

there was apparently an armed murderer on the loose aroung the uni the other day. i was a little bit scared

i think too much, about everything. i cant even deciede if im going to the gym or not

i know what m doing now, take it slow and dont try too hard to impress, just be myself, dont be clingy

i know im a good bloke, if she doesnt like me then there is nothing i can do, just dont force the issue

i am being stupid about this girl, im thinking far too much. thinking am i doing the right thing or am i doing the wrong thing, am a saying the right thing, should i call her should i text her, should i just go round to her flat. i know what i should do, just chill out a bit and do whatever i feel like doing, instead of making a big deal out of it. i know she likes me. so i should just relax and enjoy myself, there is plenty of time for me to spend with her, i just suppose i dont want to mess up my chances with her. i feel like ringing her every day, and going round her flat every day to spend some time with her.

i am having a great time here. i have got a girl very much living in my head. the semester is almost over, so quickly, i think i may well come back here as a postgraduate. had the soccer formal the other day and i was an idiot with regard to girls, stupid slappers. i just hope it hasnt ruined my chances with this other girl, and seen as one of the girls i kissed is her room mate i feel i may have done some damage like the stereotypical man whos crotch does all the thinking that i dont think i am. anyway, i like this girl a hell of a lot and hope she likes me. played footy the other day with varsity players, they are beasts, shows how the varsity programme here really develops athletes over the 4 years. my attitude to work is changing, enjoyment is key. got a bit stressed, but that didnt last long.

it seems that it is illegal to walk on the left hand side of the road, as if there is some sort of highway code for pavement walking. not sure if i wanna go home any more

what can i say, didnt get in the varsity footy team because there is a rule that stops exchange students from playing. i was offered thopportunity to transfer, but decided against it because the english education is better than it is here. thought about moving downtown, but the uni would have charged me too much for moving out of halls. love all my friends here. unfortunately justin is leaving for singapore next semester. went to boston, stayed with jays family, they are some of thhe nicest people i have ever met. porter is also a great person, he is so generous and genuine (he always offers me a lift), he is concerned for everyone. his brother is a testament to that, he has developed so well, and i think that porter is one of the main reasons for that. he spends a lot of time with him and looks after him. i have finally managed to control my eating, i no longer over eat and am keeping a reasonably healthy diet, apart forom the cookies that dan's mum bakes, thay get destroyed. getting better at throwing an american football gonna play basketball with the natives in a minute. the courses are a bit shit. went to pensacola, had a great time on the beach playing american football and crazy golf. went to DC which was good, met a lot of the other english exchange students. played for the club football team, which was thoroughly enjoyable, made loads of friends, enjoyed the social events, met some nice girls on the girls team. met some cheerleaders, one of which annoyed me incredibly due to her complete disregard for other people and her ability to get away with it because she is a cheerleader. i love the bombi. my room mate lives in a mansion. not clever enough for french.

been around a bit. pensacola, my friend spent $130 on a lobster game. stayed in boston. enjoying it.

i have been here for 12 days now. its good so far, mainly because there is so much to look forward to, ot that i have been doing loads of good stuff. since i arrived i have been spending most of my time sorting out paperwork (housing, medical, football, course registration, bank account), buying books, buying boring stuff for my room (eg. laundry baskey, duvet), going to the gym to get fit for the football trials. Here in the US the paperwork is extended to accomodate a ridiculous amount of terms and conditions. However i have met some great aquaintances, who will hopefully develop into good friends. My room mate is yet to arrive, i have looked him up on facebook and he sems pretty normal, not that you can tell what someone is going to be like just from looking at them. The football coach wants to put me into the squad, however there is a problem with regard to my student status, i am enrolled as non degree as i am an exchange student, however NCAA only allows degree seeking students to compete. I am eager that this issue will be resolved so i can become a member of the squad.

The university is very big, the sports facilities are also very good, i need to get some photos on this blog to demonstrate. its extremely hot when the sky is clear, its also very humid.

When i arrived my bags went missing for a day.

The alcohol is very cheap $1 pitchers last nite.

the people can be a bit OTT and fake at times, eg. love the sound of their own voice, their voices can be annoying at times aswell.

I have now been treated to some very good, healthy food, the selection in the uni catering is very very good.

I managed to get on the french course i wanted to do, after some difficulty.

Everything is really cheap, its teampting just to buy loads of stuff even though i dont need it

there is probably loads of stuff i have forgot to mention, but i can always put it in later

visited washington, i respect the way the people involved in wars are honoured with memorials. It gives survivors and families somewhere to go to remember what happened. It raises the profile of the wars, the public know how bad it was, and hopefully learn to respect those who were involved. I think this is part of the patriotism. i havent been here long but at a semi pro baseball game i watched the national anthem was sung before play started. The students at Penn State seem to support their uni like a dedicated football fan, the american football tickets all sold out in 20 minutes.

the food is poor, i havent eaten a vegetable in a long time.

we hit the dance floor
an da crowd scream 4 more
they stare as if dey seen a wild bore

these other peeps,
they got no game
dey still bus moves from singin in da rain

Street warz

look at her she thinks she it
ill smash her face into the grit
beat her head down in the dirt
steal her watch and rip her skirt
know sHE KNOWS DONT mess wiv me
mans see me the whole crew flee
you no that i rule the ends
crusing in the mercedes benz

Mrs Steph

there she is the smiler
the opposite to a rottweiler
i want to give her a great big cuddle
go in the rain and splash in a puddle
then give her a snicker as a treat
and smell her hair and hold her feet
including the toe with the fungal infection
i even show that one my affection

THIS BLOG IS OVER, IT FILLED SOME TIME OVER THE SUMMER AND WAS QUITE ENJOYABLE. BUT NOW I HAVE OTHER THINGS I WOULD RATHER DO. EG. GUITAR, TABLE TENNIS, SWIMMING, FOOTBALL COACHING AND UNI WORK

its been a while since my last entry. and i cant really say i have missed writing on here. this is only going to be a short one because i want to get back on the guitar and strum a few tunes. i have become intrigued to get to know a girl i met the other night. there seems something very mysterious and appealing about her that i want to discover, i was late meeting her the other night, a whole hour. what a bad first impression, then when i got there i only stayed for 15 minutes, i feel so bad and will never forgive myself if this has ruined my chances, which i dont think it has but it could do.......it was my 21st birthday the other day, i couldnt really celebrate to the max due to crutch restrictions.

our house is great, the only negative thing is the mess. the lads are spot on and im loving it. they bought me a music book and a capo for my birthday, ideal.

been hitting the nights out hard, no drinking though, just late nights and dancing

moved into my house with the other lads, lots of beer, computer games and mess. its a very beautiful house and the company matches the quality of the house, the company actually trumps the quality of the house like an ace of spades. im not quite sure how i managed to find such a good group of lads, they all bring a good game to the table, keep up morale with optimism and enthusiasm and are always up for a bit of social interaction, weather it be sport or leisure.

i love it, but it would be so much better if i was off my crutches and could actually go out and experience the care free atmosphere of freshers week as a 2nd year. tuesday was a depressing evening, everyone went out and i was left in the house on my own dragging myself around the house trying to find things to occupy my vacant mind. in the end i went for a bit of guitar, it was a good decision, its a really good hobby to do on my own, its relaxing and rewarding.

there has been a little bit of tension in the house, a water fight spilled over and tempers were lost and aggressive words were exchanged by 2 members of the house. it all started with a childish squirt of water which escalated into one individual dropping his trousers and sitting, bare assed, on another's face as he was held by another. this caused a rage and two inevitable kicks were produced to the legs. after the kicks a war of words was exchanged and bad vibes filled the frowzy atmosphere.

during the fight water was spilled dangerously close to all the electricals, we are yet to test if they still work

i have discovered a few guitar players, rach and colesy can play, phil and gian also, and tom. Hopefully i will learn a few things off these people

forgot to mention the burnt toast episode when geordie steve was making toasted sausage sandwiches, he inevitably burnt the toast on our super high speed 4 slice toaster, activating the smoke detector, thus relaying a signal to the speaker to initiate a high pitched noise AKA an 'alarm'. as we are new to the house no one new how to de-activate the 'alarm', all of us were testing out knowledge to the limit but with no progress being made. after about 20 minutes of ear bleeding steak disconnected the battery in a moment of inspiration, afterwards he told BBC Leeds FM

'i remembered that things need power to work and when i saw the alarm wasnt plugged in i was a bit puzzled as to how it was working if it wasnt plugged in. then i remembered that some things are battery powered so i looked for a battery and there was one so i disconnected the wires'

im a bity jealous of most of the other lads rooms, especially gian, mine is plain and lacks character, where as his is crammed full of stuff that is interesting and most of it has a some sort of absorbing story to go with it.

moved into uni, very frustrating and annoying process

the day after the day before yesterday i went bowling and watched spurs win 1-0 in their UEFA cup game. at bowling i started very inconsistently, mainly due to the restrictions of standing on one leg with crutches. however i hit form and managed to produce a score of 99 in one game. my technique boasted a slight bit of off spin, fading the ball into the front pin at an angle, yeilding a fer strikes.

when i got home i started packing for uni, bit annoying becase i couldnt do it without help, this is what i have found most annoying about my time on crutches. not being able to do the simplist of things and requiring someone else to do it for me, that is if they have time to do it, most of the time everyone in my family is busy

tottenham cheered my mood by winning and playing well. then extras was an added bonus, first in the new series, i rated it quite highly

the day before today i played XBOX 360 and went out for a very enjoyable meal with my family in the evening, the food was magnificent. i tucked away 3 courses nicely.

the leg hasnt really had a mention for a while, mainly because its now the norm to be on crutches and it feels ok. i am still cautious when walking, making sure the ground i tread on is flat. and when in a car sometimes lifting my foot off the floor when the road is bumpy. making sure i eat the right food and stay clear of alchohol. its not really as frustrating as it was to begin with, i have found things to do that i enjoy.

yesterday i was hit by the shock news that faifrord 3rds have been thrown out of the club, for what i dont know. they will now re-name and find a new training and match venue, so the team lives on under a new name. i feel quite bad for the contribution i may have made to their eradication, at the same time i know the eradication is totally unreasonable.

for the main yesterday i played XBOX 360 live, highly addictive cyber play.

tried to identify a mystery texter but they dont answer their phone, is it tom adams i wonder

squeezed in a bit of guitar

yasterday i spent the whole day on football manager, stopping only to eat and for a short power cut. i ate too much dinner last night which resulted in me sitting on the toilet thismorning for a good 5 minutes on 2 occasions

yesterday was a truly uneventful day. ive got a red ichy rash on my foot that is very annoying, it iched so much i took all the skin off and now have a big scab on my ankle that stuck to the bandage and all my fur. my toenail fell off due to the infection. i was a bit tired and miserable. i can now carry stuff about as i can get enough balance through one crutch leaving one hand free, what a revelation. i need some more music to learn on the guitar, im getting bored with all the stuff ive got at the moment

Phil has a broken jaw after getting beat up on friday.
I watched loads of football yesterday as i always do on a saturday.
Fairford thirds are hated by everyone at the club-fact. My friend got into an argument with one of the board members.

I had a bath on friday, i felt so clean, only my 3rds bath or shower in 14 weeks

yesterday i ate lots of meat cooked on a barbeque with a few others. in the evening we all went to fairford and morley and phil got in a fight, they were outnumbered and got battered, phil had to go to hospital with minor head injuries, although i havent seen what happened. he is apparently ok though.

yesterday was an empty day. guitar, reading and surfing the web

my friend had his ankle broken in that 3rds vs reserves game the other day, bunch of thugs. thats all i have to say, got things to do today

yesterday i saw a very vicious game between fairford 3rds and reserves. in the first half bangers was on the end of a 2 footed tackle which meant he had to come off, his ankle swelled up like a balloon. afterwards the guy who made the tackle squared up to him, thinking he was being matcho probably, but he just injured someone, he should be apologising not thretening to hit him, prick. then bangers and i were a bit angry so we started winding up the reserves from the side line, they couldnt take it. the 3rds went 1-0 up, beautiful. then the reserves equalised with a scrappy goal which the 3rds defence should have dealt with easily. 5 minutes after this jack (reserves centre forward) stamped on pete (3rds centre back) horribly late and deliberately. ref didnt even send him off, just a free kick. the reserves manager brought him off, correctly, i gave him credit for that. but then he put him back on again, makes no sense. probably scared that his team were gonna get beat by the 3rds. then in the second half another potential career ending challenge came in from a reserve player. he made no effort to play the ball, just came in studs up around the knee, similar to roy keane on alf inge haaland. ref didnt send him off, reserve manager didnt bring him off. then to make it worse the ref sent off a 3rds player for swearing. the 3rds showed that they are as good a team as the reserves, thats all im concerned about

yesterday night went to the trout inn for phils 21st birthday, then to the crown. not much else to comment on really. i was thinking that maybe my broken leg is a sign that i was tacking football too seriously and that it was tacking over my life. so now i will not be able to play football for a while means that it will probably lose its importance in my life. then when i do begin to play again and the focus will be purely on enjoyment and making the most of the opportunity to play. that is one way of assessing the situation. i definately did take football to seriously (due to 3 years playing full time), and when i return to playing i think my attitudes to the game will be different.

i need to get a coaching job though to fill the void of not playing

feta cheese is nice, especially in a flan

i finished reading any human heart, a book that gave a detailed account of a pretty eventfull life, almost all of it interesting.

yeaterday i simply played the guitar and read. i was mostly playing 'dont look back in anger - oasis.' the F#m is a bit tricky in that one, ill have to watch out for it. saw a very entertaining game between brazil and argentina in the afternoon. forgot to say the other day i had my hair cut, went for a bit of a crazy short on the sides longer at the back, not really sure if i like it though. shame.

had a brie and dijon mustard sandwich, fulfilling.

had a wash, rectum. bit coarse i know, but things can het out of hand if you dont pay that particular area enough attention

a weired bloke who i dont know keeps on asking me how my leg is and talking to my sister, im a bit suspicious of this man, i think she is too

yesterday was 100% football. to start with the 3rd team got absolutely hammered by the chairman because things had been going on the club forum, now this forum was possibly the funniest one in existance on the whole of the information superhighway, the forum has now been erased from the site. he said that if the 3rds didnt clean up their act in 2 weeks he would chuck them all out of the club, he would never do this, he probably makes a profit from the 3rd team. he also accused them of stealing a GK top from the first team, which they found on the pitch, im not quite sure how this is stealing, normally when you steal something you keep it. he also said they had lost him £35,000, im not quite sure how. basically the chairman was being compleately unreasonable about the whole situation and hurling abuse and accusations at the team just to try and scare them. cliff, the thirds manager, wasnt going to stand for it so he told him he was falsely accusing the lads and got into an argument, i admire the way he stood up to him.
i also signed on for the 3rds before the game
first game fairford 3rds, 2-2 draw. goals were curtosy of an OG and a late equaliser from bangers, a well taken goal in the dying seconds as he finished into the top corner with great ordasity. saw a bit of fairford 1st team FA cup game which they won 3-0. my cousin was watching, spoke to him, hes injured at the moment, did it in a reserve game for farnborough, not working. Third game of the day, england 5-0 andora. was an easy game. massive session on the guitar when i got home.

yesterday i ate a huge slice of melon, juicy

other things i did, played championship manager 2001, classic.

went to watch oxford beat st albans 2-1 last night with burt and knowles. saw some of the ex oxford superstars, dexter blaxtock (QPR) and chris hackett (milwall), had a catch up chat with them, dexter is only my age and starts for qpr, and i have a broken leg, great. saw jamie brooks (didcot). and my old mate billy, he wasnt in the squad for last nights game so we watched in the stands. also saw josh and gunny, and darren (youth team manager) and charlie (youth team physio) and owen (U16's coach). it was really good to see them all after such a long time and catch up. oxford have a complete new squad from when i played, only 5 players remain, 3 of which are 19 or under. they looked a good side and dominated the game, even with 10 men. best players, burgess, odubade and anaclet.

Yesterday I played the guitar relentlessly, Oasis. In the evening I went out in Swindon for a girls 18th birthday party. The party was pretty dead until the bouncers started letting anyone in, then it filled up. I managed to get a nice comfy seat for most of the night. I saw this girl I have known for ages and for some reason she seemed really attractive last night. I have never found her very appealing before but last night, for some reason, I did. We talked about how rubbish, characterless and superficial Swindon is on the journey home so I have attempted to write a poem to convey this.

Swindon, the national vacuum of culture
I doubt the town even has a sculpture
No carachter, not a hint of history
its drab and dull, no sense of mystery

i have only written one verse but i have no desire to do any more

yesterday i went to watch 'you, me and dupree'. i did enjoy it and found it quite humerous. i cant be bothered to write any more. i saw another person on crutches and there was an instant connection and recognition. if you havent been on crutches before then you dont know the unbelieavable amount of hassle it causes oneself. saw a swarm of hoddies as soon as we entered swindon, loads of young kids in their gangs. they are so cool

since my last post i have hit an all time low that i have now recovered from. during the day i have been doing the predictable playing the guitar, reading and playing football manager, this is so predictably predictable there is hardly any point in me writing it. on sunday night i went round morleys again, we watched v for vendetta which initially i thought was going to be awful because guy fawkes saved a woman then he just blurted out every word beginning with v in the english language. however the film turned out to be pretty good and i enjoyed it, i think i only enjoyed it because it was english, a bit weired and the houses of parliament got blown up with fireworks. the acting was distinctly average. it wasnt my usual company, sat in a garage with 5 others smoking and getting wasted.

on monday i was massively frustrated and tried to organise a pro evo fest, the result, me and taiwo played about 4 games against each other, everyone else was busy. yesterday i played pro evo again with burt, then watched fairford 3rds play footy, they won 5-0. i am signing on for them on saturday. i have got a new song to practice on the guitar now, sting, englishman in new york.

i have developed a fungal infection in the toe nail of my fourth toe. the nail is now yellow and about ten times thicker than it should be. my leg actually smells bad enough to make a human vomit if they were to inhale the fumes through their nostrils.

yesterday was taken up by watching spurs play awful against everton, losing 2-0. then going to morleys and admiring his abilities as a dj, scratching and mixing. had a ride in the back of bangers car with the roof down, absolutely priceless.

yesterday same old guitar and reading, as always. went to a house party last night which was very average. tears were shed, i was a good footballer, and now i cant even play. blacky, phil, tony, morley and bangers all showed their comcern for me it has to be said, they are good people

last 2 days pretty much the same old story, reading, guitar, wrote a couple of poems and football manager. also went to leeds for hospital appointment, they have taken the cast off but i now have to ware a space boot instead, my next appointment is in 4 weeks, the healing process seems never ending. this means i cant go to newquay for one of my good friends 21st birthday and will miss the whole of freshers week.

on the way to the hospital my crutch slipped on the wet toilet floor and i fell over. i wacked my leg on the floor but luckily it didnt hurt, a kind man helped me up. i didnt even say thanks, he asked me if i was ok and i just said, yeah im ok. rude, i appologise.

my mum was a bit upset yesterday and my dad a bit angry. mum had to drive 7 hours yesterday for 1 hour in the hospital, the nhs is pathetic. this isnt why she was upset. i am grateful for my parents

last night i had trouble sleeping, i woke up with pains in my leg. i am gonna have to sleep at a different angle. i had to sleep on my back but couldnt get much sleep.

i can take the boot off to have a bath, i did this last night but it wasnt worth the effort. it took me 45 minutes to have a bath, i was only sat in the water for about 10. all the dead skin on my foot turned soft like jelly and i peeled some of it off. i couldnt dry my foot though because it was too delicate and my leg is so thin i thought if i toutched it it would break. so i just sat there and waited for it to dry, i started to get cold but my foot was still wet so i just had to get the moon boot back on with a wet foot, it felt disgusting, its dried out now though.

ill put the poems in, they are gradually getting worse, im running out of ideas

the office

office workers dressed up in suits
gelled back hair and low top boots
sporting the latest designer specks
hugo boss 'as worn by' Becks

at lunch the sunlight blinds their eyes
they loosen off their itching ties
then eat their lunch in a 'trendy' bar
whilst looking at the daily star

now back to the computer screen
back to the same mundaine routine
it never changes, day after day
eventually they turn old and grey


road

cars, cars and more cars,
lorrys full of mars bars
black cab's to the airport
police cars to the crown court

businessmen, truckers OAP's
illegal immigrants with fake ID's
a steely, sturdy car transporter
a mother, father and a daughter

a large luxurious caravan
just outside of rotherham
the police pull over a drunken driver
he tries to bribe them with a fiver

roadside assistance RAC
the drivers high on LSD
he thinks he's on the stairway to heaven
in fact this road goes straight to devon

more guitar and reading, plus a couple of poems. also watched fairford 3rd team again. tony was quality, burt tried dribbling past an opponent and got tackled then they simply put it into the empty net to make it 5-0, thats how it finished. watched 2nd half of spurs game, we played much better than saturday, we were all over them. won 2-0

these poems were written in about 10 minutes and are worse than the others;

1500 metres

i stretch my legs then tie my lace
slow and steady wins the race
i feel the wind blow on my face
ready, set, go

i take the lead up from the start
the others jostle, dash and dart
one lets out a great big fart
the pace is slow

one by one the others slow
their energy levels getting low
but i feel great, from head to toe
i've won this race

i've run this race in good time
surely now this race is mine
an easy win, i cross the line
the others still give chase

cricket

the time has come for me to bat
i take to the wicket
i take my stance, adjust my hat
this is cricket
i tap my bat and take my time
surely a century will be mine

the ball comes down, its slow and straight
i smash it along the floor
the fielders there, i call out wait
he fumbles it, it goes for four
the umpire signals the boundary score
the first of many, many more

two runs scored takes me to 51
a massive effort for the team
im half way to a memorable ton
before now it was just a dream
i try an give one an almighty thump
i miss it, there goes my off stump.

Yesterday taken up by guitar practice and reading. I have a couple of new chords to learn and a few new songs after my last lesson. That is in fact my last lesson, for a while anyway, im now going to try and perfect what I have learned.

I also watched a tv programme about john betjamen which was good. I liked his poetry, my favourite of his is slough. it goes like this

Slough

Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow
Swarm over, Death!

Come, bombs, and blow to smithereens
Those air-conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans
Tinned minds, tinned breath.

Mess up the mess they call a town
A house for ninety-seven down
And once a week for half-a-crown
For twenty years,

And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive skin
In women's tears,

And smash his desk of polished oak
And smash his hands so used to stroke
And stop his boring dirty joke
And make him yell.

But spare the bald young clerks who add
The profits of the stinking cad;
It's not their fault that they are mad,
They've tasted Hell.

It's not their fault they do not know
The birdsong from the radio,
It's not their fault they often go
To Maidenhead

And talk of sports and makes of cars
In various bogus Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.

In labour-saving homes, with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.

Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough
To get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now;
The earth exhales.

John Betjeman

It might not be my favourite for much longer as dad has given me a book of his poems to read. Slough is actually the only one I know, but it is spot on. i love the bit about peroxide hair and synthetic air. tinned minds- brilliant. maidenhead

I thought I would attempt some poems of my own after the programme finished, they are pretty poor and not quite finished.

Leg

I left my flat on my trusty old bike,
dressed in a hoody made by nike.

Confronted by a gentle climb,
I left my saddle to make good time,
pushing down forcefully on both pedals,
if this were the Olympics I’d be in the medals.

An almighty crack came from my leg,
it was scrambled like an egg.

Rolling back I was unassisted,
the pain in my leg persisted.
Get to the hospital, A+E,
how badly broken will this be?

We passed lina running, keeping fit,
she is extremely beautiful, I must admit.

Time for an X-Ray, done and dusted,
the X-Ray shows my leg is busted.
Thats it, my leg is broken,
the dreaded X-Ray has spoken.


Perfect Girl

I long for a girl with big thick thighs,
couldn’t care a less for the colour of her eyes.
I long for a girl with a round juicy bum,
to her looks i would succumb.

A girl who is fit and distinctly athletic,
not a girl who is vein and purely cosmetic.

I do not care if they have a flat chest,
big thighs and buttocks are what I like best.
To add to this dark skin and dark hair,
this combination is distinctly rare.

A girl like this is perfect perfection,
anything less will bring me dejection.


If any girls reading that match the description of this poem don’t hesitate to place a comment, especially if you play tennis.

yesterday- guitar practice, more oasis- 'some might say' was getting repeated regularly. other activities= football manager. also writing 10 posts on a forum about one of my friends, thats it. ill give out the forum address on request if anyone actually happens to read this and wants to add their own oppinion on the forum. if you are reading i would strongly recomend that you endevour to find the forum address from myself because it might make you laugh, it might not make you laugh, i cant garantuee anything tom, but find it out. oh and saw my aunt, uncle and cousin, found out that my cousin needed 90 mins for fitness because he hasnt got a club at the moment. left basingstoke.

spurs put in a distinctly average performance yesterday, we played the ball around well, keeping good possesion but didnt have any incisiveness to make and take goalscoring opportunities. bolton were their usual solid and well organised unit, hard to break down and dangerous from set pieces- kevin davies, the human flick on machine, up front is their main wepon, shovel it up to davies, flick it on and chase after it- they deserved to win. swindon now 4 wins from 4 and oxford 3 wins from 3. sunderland lost all 4. football is good.

other than watching football yesterday i did the usual guitar practice, a bit of oasis- she's electric. also im back on football manager, out of the FA cup to everton but up to mid table after 2 wins and a draw, n'zogbia is dishing it out. also i played pro evo with burt and watched match of the day, shearer's shaded area in the villa analysis was sublime. i wanted to go out in cheltenham last nigh with the others but it just wasnt practical in my current state.

also i found out that my cousin played for fairford reserves yesterday, for what reason i am clueless, he is actually 10 time better than anyone in that team and has been playing in the confrence south, one league below professional level, ill have to speak to him to find out the details

m to the i to the c, m i c check it 1 2 3

i managed to get through yesterday without playing football manager, but i did play mashed for about 2 hours. three of us played, the only 3 that didnt go out. mashed is a bit like micro machines but arguably better. tai's cat was roaming around me, it was making me nervous after i stood on it i thought it was going to attack me. its claws looked pretty sharp and there was a dead mouse in the garden that only it could have killed so i thought i was next on its hit list. i think tai sensed my imminent attack and fed it to satisfy its hunger.

i did the usual guitar practice

It has been some time since I last wrote on my blog, this is for a number of reasons that I will list in chronological order

1- my mild addiction to football manager has meant I have played on it for at least 3 hours every day since my last post. I have taken Peterborough into the championship
and bought a few new players- charles n’zogbia, ben Mackey, Edward theo. Im battling against relegation at the moment half way through my first season in the championship.

2- my mild obsession with pro evo and mashed 4 player on the ps2 which I have been playing on a regular basis round taiwo’s until approximately 1 am GMT. It has become a regular occurrence that we go round in the evening, a few have a smoke and get wasted then play mashed while under the influence.

3- my enthusiasm and willingness to learn how to play the guitar, tune it up, learn the chords then batter out a few songs.

4- the intense pre season fixture list of the fairford thirds which has forced me to watch them 3 times since my last words of note, the three fixtures have yielded a 4-1 defeat sandwiched between a 5-1 victory and 5-2 victory. I can be quite shit watching all my friends playing football while I am decrepit and sidelined. It is also good fun even though the quality is poor it’s a good laugh watching the calamitous and also ordacious skill that is produced. tony williams has put in some cracking displays on the left of midfield, his jelly legs bewilder defenders, his crossing is precise as is his corner tacking. in the latest game he scored 2, one he easily rounded the keeper and the second he cracked in from an angle into the far corner. he is similar to jonh arne risse in his passing range and ability, and sort of a mix of peter beagrie and kanu with his dummys, shimmys, step overs and jelly legs. burt in goal is always good for a laugh, similar to barthez, prone to errors, enjoys a good showboat, throws in a few keep ups, headers, throws behind the back, dummy throws and a few others. bangers cracked one from 35 yards just over. phil battered their centre forward.

Things I have done

I cant remember much I have done apart from the list above, probably because I haven’t done much. One of the reasons for writing this particular textual entry is that I have started reading any human heart by William boyd today and the book is a journal of his life and its good so I though I would copy him.

David bale is a wonder free kick taker for Southampton, the football season has started which is good because I love watching it, but very bad because im still injured and missing out on playing. John hartson did a flying kick a la cantona in the game against the saints which earned him only a booking and a friendly telling off from Bradley wright Phillips in the post match interview. Oxford have won 2 out of 2.
Dexter blackstock has moved from the saints to qpr for £5000,000, my old team mate may i add. Spurs play Bolton tomorrow, get the new boys involved, berbatov, zokora, assou-ekotto and maybe ghaly to mash up Bolton.

I have had a night out in fairford which was very average, I was asked ‘what have you done to your leg?’ yet another 2 times, got them on the tally chart.

Should be 6 days until I have the cast off and have a scratch.

I have eaten 2 packets of out of date cheese and onion crisps

I cooked dinner for the family which brought me close to bursting my brachial artery in rage because of my disability to even do such a simple task without assistance from others. The food was good and got good reviews but I will not be doing that again.
Im listening to some select tracks off the mylo album now, good stuff. Commendable

I have played a bit of pool.

Been photographed for computer games design.

Went to a barbeque and almost caught pneumonia.

Stood on a cat.

Stood on a greyhound.

Updated all the premiership teams on pro evo, except for andy reid from spurs to Charlton. This is desperate times if I am doing things like this to occupy myself.

Tried to readjust a painting with catastrophic results. Using white spirit to try and blend already dry oil paint didn’t work, it acted a gentle paint stripper instead.

Done some calf raises and left leg stretches to try and have some sort of fitness when im back on 2 feet. apparently if your good leg is strong the bad leg will catch up to be the same strength

Become obsessed with the new razorlite album. its much better than i first thought, definately my favourite current band

Picked a fantasy football team. got a few spurs players in it

drunk some water with flax seeds in which was disgusting, this was an attempt to eradicate my dandruff

washed my hair with actual shampoo because i had severe dandruff

played pick up sticks and won against my mum

watched england beat greece 4-0. jermain defoe playing well.

sat at taiwos watching premiership years for ages in boredom thinking what am i doing with my life. 5 of us, 3 of which a bit wasted

fallen over without any serious problems

had a shave, twice (facial hair)

posted 3 letters, the subject of which is top secret. code black.

got a new plectrum bought for me which is now in circulation.

tried teaching my sister how to play a cover drive. she couldnt quite keep the bat straight and her elbow high or place her front foot close enough to the ball

discovered one of my cricket bats has been thrown out and everyone is denying it. it was my dad, and he encourages me to play

seen the moon

sneezed

eaten cheese

though about how i would love to be a football manager, even if the team i manage is rubbish

considered learning to dance

and other stuff which i migh put in at a later date

yesterday was taken up purely by guitar practice and feeling pain in my heel which stopped me from going out. the end

thursday was a day of guitar practice, sitting on the toilet emptying my intestines and buying sylvan ebanks-blake who proceeded to smash goals in willy nilly

i played my guitar most of yesterday, practicing new chords and new songs. i also went to buy a song book but the book shop i went to didnt have any good ones to buy, outrageous.

i have finished another painting, thats the end of my painting career i think. i didnt enjoy painting this one, i was getting frustrated because i wasnt achieving the colours, contrast and perspective that i wanted too. im not happy with the end result. i was hoping it would be good enough to hang up in my house but that isnt going to happen.

i read the final pages of Catch-22 yesterday and it is definately the best book i have ever read, i loved it. it was full of weird names and strange things happening.

finally yesterday i went to watch loads of my mates play football for Fairford 3rds, the match was pretty good. after the game i sat around doing nothing while a bunch of my mates smoked all night getting stoned.

daytime radio is starting to get on my nerves, they just play the same songs every day. because of this i have recently borrowed some funky house music, its not bad to listen to. my friend keeps telling me how much he loves it so i thought i would give it a listen

i could have said a lot more about yesterday but i cant be bothered to go into detail

Yesterday I had my second guitar lesson and im getting quite interested in playing and practicing now. Got loads of new songs and chords to learn this week. Also had guitar re-strung and its beautiful. thats it

For my friends birthday we are haveing a weekend in newquay, my uni friends also have arranged a trip. originally they were going on the 26th of august until the 2nd of september, but i have convinced them to go from the 2nd to the 9th of september so i could go too. there is no garantuee that i will make it for the whole week, or even at all, but i appreciate their change of plan to accomodate me. i know tom will read this, so dont change the plans again, keep them as they are and we will meet up on saturday then go out on saturday night. it will be good.

one game of pool was about all i managed to do yesterday. i won, which was nice

a bit of a dissapointing post but such is my life

for a lot of people what i did yesterday may have seemed like a boring painfull sunday. but not for me, i liked it. i got up in the morning, went to church. got home watched the grand prix which jenson button won, an englishman at last. then i went to watch my mates have a kick about on my old school field. it was good just to be there sort of involved in the excitement of a game of wembley and then a 6 a-side, also just have a chat. witnessing some good goals, some herendous misses, some arrogence, some modesty, some anger, some joy and some thunderous challenges flying in. after i got home and had eaten i went to the pub by the river, there was only 6 of us but it was a good humoured evening, 2 of the girls i barely know even though i spent 5 years at school with them. now in my state of low mobility i am spending less time playing sport and more time talking and, hopefully, making some new/closer friends. my life really was taken over by football, maybe too much, and i missed out on doing anything with my friends really. now i cant play football im spending loads more time with my friends and it has made me think about everything i have missed out on, but i dont regret it, football is something i love and i wouldnt have stopped playing just to have a laugh with my friends, if i had surendered the opportunity to have a career in football for that reason then i would regret that intensely forever.

today i have found out that my cast is fine and there is nothing to worry about, this is reassuring

my local night out in swindon yesterday. my mum keeps nagging me to wash my hair but im not having any of it. maybe it would have been well advised yesterday because i was wearing a black t-shirt and dandruff was falling onto my shoulders like a snow storm. i sorted this out early on though, all it needed was t-shirt removal, shake off the flakes then ruffle the hair vigorously until the dandruff was eradicated. i like not washing my hair, its only been washed once in 10 weeks, (with shampoo that is, i wash it with water all the time) it can look after itself without shampoo, its not stupid, it does grow out of my head afterall. shampoo could have a negative effect on your hair anyway, it can dry it out, turn it grey or even make it fall out.

swindon was ok, well as much as could be expected on cruches. it was knowles' birthday so i had to make the effort to be there. i did quite enjoy it, we managed to find comfortable seats and a few people singed my cast. blacky, taiwo and toby looked after me when we were out. most of my friends have gone out of their way to accomodate me really, i have found out a lot more about their characters and their selflessness of selfishness, holton has given me loads of lifts, bangers is always finding me somewhere to sit, phil has been giving me lifts, burt has made an effort to see me (even though hes been busy and having a really rough time at the moment). all the others are always concerned how im getting on and when im gonna be healed. i hope they love me as much as i love them. the generosity even stretched to my sisters friends mum who gave me a lift home last week, with the added luxury of the front seat even though i was a miserable bastard. my sisters friend kindly lit up the side street with a torch so i could see where i was walking so i didnt fall over. there is still hope in the world

when i got home last night i spilled a pint of water all over my room and almost got it all over my cast. this resulted in a bad mood, ultimately. iwas trying to open my window because it was far too hot and the water was spilled in the process.

tom cheered me up with a quick txt message, read his blog, his syntax is perfect http://snowrocket.blogspot.com/

i am in a state of extreme self criticism and self doubt-borderline depression. well depression is a bit strong, this plaster is just restricting me, holding back my enthusiasm for life. its getting loose aswell which has placed a seed of doubt in my mind, my leg is pressing at the front which is a problem, apparently. ill get it sorted on monday. i want to show my friends i love them but i cant, i feel our relationships are becoming damaged by my constant down-heartedness. the primary reason for feeling this way is the leg concern, if that wasnt an issue there would be no other issues. if that isnt good syntax i dont know what is

i havent been writing this with enough detail and attention, i have been lazy and neglected my blog. this must change

on request and encouragement from my good friend who shall remain nameless, tom adams, i have decided to write this latest entry in my ever increasing in size blog.

i have been in a fairly predictable routine for the last week or so, my days have been filled with reading catch-22, which has earned my appreciation, playing football manager, which i am getting more and more addicted to, (yesterday that is all i did, stopping only for a quick lunch which i stuffed down my throat so i could get back to the game asap, i am even conversing the best tactics and players to buy with my friends, the best training methods also), trying to learn to play 'blowing in the wind-bob dylan' on the guitar, which is infurating, (causing regular vocal outbursts of expletives in anger), and brings an unnecessary and unwanted pain to the tips of my fingers. however i must persevere with the guitar, if i am going to learn it will be hard work so i must stick to the task and practice regularly.

last night i was king of the table football table, i was rattling them in from every imaginable area of the field and from every imaginable angle: acute, obtuse, reflex, right angles, i had them all in my repotoir. the opposition could not deal with the venom of my shots, the intrecate passing, the shimmys and the dummys, the one two's, the balls down the sides, the long diagonals, the clipped balls into feet, the driven shots, the curled shots, the chipped shots, the floated crosses, the whipped crosses, the cryff turns, the hand's of God, the slide tackles, the sliding blocks, the block tackles, the ariel domination at the back, the solid midfield 5, the relentless pressure and the other thngs i have overlooked in this breif summary.

i have finished my painting, an absolute masterpiece considering my experience of painting. well its not actually that good but i will keep it anyway. its here with me now, just to my left, drying as i write. its a landscape of the sea and the sky. possibly the pacific but i havent decided yet.

my complaint to the NHS has gone through at last and i am waiting for their response, in all probability it wont be a very co-operative or helpful response but i have plenty of time to make this complaint properly so thats what i intend to do.

i was speaking to someone who intensely angered me with their topic of conversation beause of the complete un-importance of it. they were talking about hair and what they were doing with theirs and what i was doing with mine, facial hair what they were doing with theirs and what i was doing with mine, about clothes, which ones they liked and which shops were good to get them from and 'fashion'. it doesnt matter, its not important, so many people are obsessed with their hair and clothes and material issues its crazy and i hate it. and by doing this, buying these clothes, rich business owners get richer and the child labour continues. what makes it worse is that i used to be one of the main culprits and contributing factors.

recently i have had my first guitar lesson and just finished a painting, inbetween i have been reading. i have been forced to hault my old hobbies and find new ones, surprisingly i have actually enjoyed the new ones, enough to stop me from going mental anyway. however sport is an irreplaceable hobby in my everyday existence, my new pass times are ok, but i feel they may just be there for the sake of it, token activities just to occupy me until i can physically return to sport. i may be wrong, i hope i carry on playing the guitar and reading because i enjoy them both a lot, but not as much as sport. if someone asked me for a game of croquet while it was pouring with rain and i was at an exciting stage in the plot of the best book i had ever had the pleasure of reading, i would put the book down and go for a game of croquet. and i have never even played croquet but i know ill like it because its a sport, a competition and you can win or lose or draw, or be lucky or unlucky, or play well or badly. thats why sport is better than reading. reading is much better than i used to think though, i never used to consider reading, but now i inquire readers of books about which books are good and which books are bad. i go to the library, and like an avid anorak of literature, scour through the shelves of neatly placed books, in precise alphabetical order of author, until my eyes fix their visual field upon the particular one i was searching for and erupt in celebration. (unless that particular book isnt present in its correct place, then i feel a grave sense of dissapointment that i will have to reserve the book, then wait until it returns from the hands of whoever had the joy of reading it, then i can finally attack it and enjoy it or hate it)

on friday we went for a family meal to celebrate my dads birthday. i was miserable to start with, i was playing around with my cast because its a bit loose and i thought i might have moved the bone when i was doing this. i managed to get my head together and convince myself that i was being paranoid, allowing me to enjoy the meal. a lovely steak, organically grown on the site of the restaurant. the restaurant owners use local produce from the farm next door. not GM beef from ranches in the american rainforest, destroying the ecosystem, environment and my body.

saturday was a bad day, i was optimistic that it would be good but this was bad optimism. bangers was having a big house party and i was thinking it would be great. at first it was ok but i was expecting loads more people to turn up, we were the last ones to arrive. then at half ten some bad news (im not going into any more detail other than to say it was bad) indirectly effecting me. 2 of us left the party, i then got a lift back because it was the first time i had been out for a week so i wanted to make sure i didnt miss out. when i got back i just sat around being miserable, and left after 1h and 15mins. then when i got home i sat in a sulk because i thought i should have stayed and made the most of it and i had the bad news in my mind. after sitting in the dark for about 30 mins my mum told me to get some sleep and that was the end.

ON sunday i found out that the bad news was no longer bad and there was no need to think about it any more.

i have been down the pub today and witnessed the inability of 3 men to have a conversation due to their egos. i saw 3 men talking at eachother but not listening to eachother, all going off on their own tangents to express their opinions or interests. it brought a smile to my face and made me think that the reason they are in the pub at 2 o clock on a sunny friday afternoon is probably because they have no one to talk to. hence the self centeredness of their chat

my sister is upset which has angered me. shes got paint in her hair, this is the ultimate outcome. but its all a bit more complicated than it sounds so im not going to comment any further

A brilliant film, superb story. Thats about all i have done since my last post

sweet victory yesterday came at 9.46pm, out smarting both my parents in a game of scrabble.

I finished with a score of 250, which i thought would be some sort of record score. however i have found out that the record is at least 581, (in a 2 player game). my 250 was achieved in a 3 player game which is a very respectable score in the circumstances.

some of my high scoring words included:

header
quiz
fungus
cellar
exercise (7 letters- 50 point bonus)

i have been complaining to the NHS about how they failed to diagnose my broken leg, i swear they make it complicated so people get annoyed and dont bother complaining because they get so cofused and stressed

i also managed to lose 2 games to 1 at pro evo and i was crap, a shambolic shambles.

an inspirational quote said of lance armsrong by Steve Wolff in his book 'it's not about the bike'

"I think you were fated to get this type of illness. One, because maybe you could overcome it, and two, because your potential as a human was so much greater than being a cyclist."

This is exactly how I have viewed my broken leg from the outset, i can get over it and it will force me to live without football and find the potential that i have to do other things in my life.
I know the difference between cancer and a broken leg is massive, but the principle is still the same.

I have taken heart from reading Lance Armstrongs books. I can see a lot of similarities in his character and the way he approaches things with my own mentality. He is always positive about every situation. some quotes epitomise me include;

'make every obstacle an opportunity'
'if it was a suffer fest i was good at it'
'if you cant give 110% you wont make it'

There are many other captions like this through his book that typify myself. i have warmed to the man, mainly because it appears that I have a similar mentality to his

one situation that sticks in my head is the day after the first team manager at football was sacked and our manager (the youth team manager) was appointed as caretaker manager. we had no one to coach us. the physio took charge of us for the day. instead of going to the training ground to train properly, we stayed at the ground and got our running trainers on for a 12 minute run. 12 minutes on tarmack lapping round the pitch, with the physio. most people thought, 'whats the point of running infront of the physio, he doesnt pick the team. maybe if the manager was watching it would motivate me to run, and run untill my legs physically gave up.'

I didnt see it that way, i realised that this was an unfortunate set of circumstances. of course i would rather go and train with a ball. but this was a chance for me to get fitter. i told myself that it was a psychological test to see who eased up when the manager wasnt present and the physio was recording our lap times, even though i knew it wasnt. I usually came in 3rd of 4th in the 12 minute runs we did, this time i came first, and by a long way. i motivated myself even when it seemed that the task was pointless. it was an easy opportunity to go through the motions and take it easy, but i didnt take that opportunity.

'make every obstacle an opportunity'
'if it was a suffer fest i was good at it'
'if you cant give 110% you wont make it'

yesterday was mainly taken up by the journey home, 4 hours of discomfort in the motor vehicle. an insight into travelling eastern asia was had when talking at a barbeque last night. i am very seriously going to consider doing it myself.

hospital yesterday only 4 hour drive to get there. more x-rays, radiation damaging my health. Doctor- '5 more weeks in the cast then we will THINK about taking it off and getting you moving.' so ill only have been in plaster for 3 months IF they take it off in 5 weeks. easy.

mum emptied all my stuff out of the car and into my new house that im renting with 5 others while at university. inexcusibly i was giving her loads of stick on the journey to hospital but i have to thank her for all her help. its hard work.

we ate at a greek restaurant, it was sensational. i had mixed dips then lamb stuffed with spinach and feta cheese. the best meal i have ever eaten, no contest, nothing else comes close to being better. plus the waitress in the restaurent was as good as the food. she had beautiful dark skin and dark hair with minimul make up. magnificent. unlike the numerous 'barbies' as i call them with fake tanned orange skin, fake dyed blonde hair, faces plastered in make up and a few of them with fake features courtesy of cosmetic surgery. the only bad thing about it was that when i was brought my glass of water the waiter presented it as 'chateaux neuf de pap.' reasons why this is bad.
1- as i live in england, english seems the most obvious choice of langusge to use
2- its water, no extravagant introduction can make it seem more exotic

we stayed in the house last night, its a nice house for student accomodation, not really that run down, im looking forward to moving in with the rest of the lads.

SUPERMAN- a gorgeous cinematic feast for all the family. quite long so be prepared, my left gleuteal went num towards the latter stages so it may be advisable to take some extra cushioning to prevent this happening. this film was seen by me on wednesday evening,

i spent wednesday morning playing football manager. kevin brainiff, my latest signing, is banging them in for fun. ('them' being goals just to clarify the prior sentance).

wednesday afternoon i spent sitting by tobys swimming pool watching the swimmers in envy. envy while i was burning in the intense heat on a B&Q sun lounger with personal drinks tray and reinforced green cushioning. i took up role of chef on the barbeque, manipulating the burgers precisely, 1 min 30 seconds between each turn, 7 turns in total summounting to a total cooking time of 12 minutes. When the burger costs 50p from lechlade butchers cooking them in this way will give the consumer optimum enjoyment without contracting food poisoning. the chicken legs were more of a less precise operation, keep them on a low heat and cover them up to sweat it out, they tasted quite marvellous considering they were from a tesco supermarket.

before watching SUPERMAN we met at the Trout inn on the thames in lechlade, it was quite a nondescript conversation in vividly descriptive surroundings. (credit to tom adams for the word nondescript. Snowrocket's Pensive Perceptions, Tom Adams, EBlogger 2006). i remember hair dyeing came up in the conversation. i was going to mention to the female in question that she shouldnt dye her hair because dye is full of chemicals that make you ill and can be quite serious. a bloke who dyed his hair experienced severe swelling of the head which took something like 6 months to return to normal. anything un-natural should be avoided at all costs in my opinion. eg. genetically modified food, microwaves, shower gel, medicine, fruit concentrate, white bread and other things that i cant think of at the moment but dont consume or use. (if goods are organic this then changes my opinion of it entirely)

yesterday was hot and sweaty. i went to the pub with my mum and dad for lunch which was rubbish because i was in a bad mood through frustration. i ran out of things to do, boredom set in, a game of scrabble was attempted, i had a great word lined up - gleuteals - but the oportunity to place those letters on the board in that particular order never materialised. luckily i fell asleep for a bit.

when i awoke (5pm) i went to the pub to meet a friend who had just been away travelling for about 6 months. he had a brilliant time. i need to do it myself. my life experiences have been severely watered down, compared to most, due football actually taking over my life from the age of 15.

this morning i had an epic battle wit a spot on my nose, it was in a very unaccesable place (exactly where your nose meets your face and the skin abruptly veers off at an angle of 60 degrees in my case) i had to press my nose flat against my face while trying to burst the spot at the same time, this was an impossible task, even with my dextrous fingers. when i couldnt find any tweesers i made an attempt to burst the spot with two toothbrushes, but this was a failure and the spot remains. you have to expect a few spots to sprout up when your hygene levels are inferior to that of a bison.

my first attempt to find something to do yesterday manifested itself in a game of table tennis with my mother. this was a complete disaster as my mum only ever plays defensive, back spining, backhands leaving it up to me to play all the winners resulting in a predictably predictible game. i got a bit angry, which is unusual for me, but i think its the frustration of only playin about 5 games of table tennis and 3 games of pool in the last 6 and a half weeks. a normal six and a half weeks for me would probably have included 24 games of football, 12 games of cricket and 12 games of tennis, withdrawal symptoms have very much kicked in. in my anger i have also found myself throwing things around, my main projectile yesterday was a table tennis bat, it was a very cathartic activity. i recommend it highly.

in a further, more adventurous, attempt to find something interesting to do with my life i decided to go and watch forest green rovers V bristol city last night in a pre season friendly. it was one of the most one sided games i have ever seen, city won 6-0. rovers didnt have one player that impressed me, where every single city player looked a good footballer. one of the main reasons for going was to meet up with my uni friend, duncan, and get my keys for the new house. again human contact with humans that are known to me is much appreciated in my current state of general social reclusion. after finding a good spot to stand my dad went to buy a programme and something to eat. when he returned to our prosperous viewing spot he passed me the programme but i then asked him if he could hold it for me while i went to the toilet. this set off a rage in the internal systems of my dad that eventually showed itself through the gift of speech 'im eating this' so i said to him 'what am i supposed to do, throw it on the floor?' as there was no answer i threw it on the floor. the rage then showed itself again 'you ungrateful little bastard'. dads gift of speech had been disrespectfully abused and the gift should have been withdrawn from him for a two hour period for the foul mouthed act.
in summary it was good to get out of the house but the game was a very pathetic display from rovers making it a non contest. the game also gave me hope in showing me that football is an easy game and i could have played in that game last night, no problem.

about a week ago i went round to my cousins house. we used to be like best friends but as we grew older our lives became more busy and we saw less of eachother. he played football for swindon and i played for oxford. i wish we had both played for swindon, i have never played in the same team as him and we would have played together from the ages of about 13 to 18 had i played for swindon. i think i ended up playing at oxford because of my dad, at the time i joined oxford they were an established side in what is now the english championship and had youth links with juventus in italy. so my dad did what any dad would do, encourage me to the better side. swindon had spoke to my dad but oxford signed me soon after and i stuck there. i always like going to see my cousins and would like to see them more but time is the issue. we enjoyed an extensive barbeque and card game. super.